I love to travel, I love Southeast Asia, I love adventure, I’m in my twenties. You are probably thinking I’m a backpacker. Well, not quite. In fact, I hate backpackers, let me explain.
I don’t understand why most young travellers think they have to be a stereotypical backpacker and adopt all the typical behaviors that comes along with being a backpacker. It’s as if this is the only way to travel when you are young.
I travel with a suitcase. I stay at hotels. I don’t “do” countries, I actually experience them because I’m not a complete tight ass like your average backpacker. I’m already getting fired up. So here is a list of reasons I hate backpackers.
They Are Cheap
Backpackers seem to take pride in their cheapness. Somehow the less they spend while travelling, the more authentic their experience is. And by spending money on experiences and activities, this makes you uncultured—I scratch my head and wonder. Meanwhile, they won’t think twice about spending hundreds on drugs and alcohol, and somehow this is an authentic cultural experience.
These are the type of people who will happily spend $5+ dollars on a Starbucks drink back home. But now, because they are in Thailand, it is worth arguing with the old lady selling bottled water for $0.50 because it can be bought for $0.30 at the store.
I am amused by the backpackers who will refuse paying $5 for a taxi and instead, walk for an hour in the heat with their big ass hiking bag. Or, when they risk their life hitchhiking, all so they can buy an extra three beers at the bar.
To most backpackers, cheap beer is one of the most important things to budget for. Many backpackers would literally rather sleep in a cockroach infested hostel than pay extra. Spending money on once in a lifetime experiences is somehow “touristy” and makes you an inferior traveller compared to the superior backpacker.
Big Ass Hiking Bags
I have never seen the logic in travelling with one of those big ass hiking bags. You’re not fucking hiking Mount Kilimanjaro. Just because you’re a “backpacker,” it doesn’t make your big ass hiking bag practical for travel. Have you ever heard of a suitcase? “Oh, no, but then people won’t know that I am a backpacker, I don’t want to look like a tourist.”
Why not just carry a small backpack when out and about with all your essentials in it, and keep everything else in your suitcase?
Let me list the pros and cons of each luggage type.
Suitcase Pros:
- No need to carry all that weight on your shoulders. Simply push your suitcase and let the wheels do the work.
- Built in locking system
- Easily see where your things are when you open the suitcase.
- Increased packing space
- More stylish
Suitcase Cons:
- The rare situation when you need to carry your suitcase across a beach or up stairs.
Big Ass Hiking Bag Pros:
- You have two hands free instead of one if you were pushing a suitcase.
- It’s good training for if you want to be in the army.
- You fit in with all the other dumb backpackers carrying big ass hiking bags at the hostel.
Big Ass Hiking Bag Cons:
- You have to carry the thing everywhere you go.
- It gets in the way of other people when travelling on busses and trains.
- Everyone will know you are a backpacker.
- They are far less practical for accessing your belongings compared to a suitcase. Like, for real, what happens when you need something from the bottom of your big ass hiking bag? “Let me just empty my entire backpack all over the floor so I can find that shirt I was looking for.”
- You look out of place when you stay at a hotel with your big ass hiking bag. Oh wait, backpackers would never be able to afford to stay at a hotel.
I do all the same shit backpackers do while comfortably wheeling around my suitcase. I reckon a lot of backpackers want to travel with a suitcase, but because they want to be known as a “backpacker” they think it is against the rules to travel with a suitcase.
Lack of Hygiene, Grooming, & Cleanliness
Many backpackers, (male from what I have observed) look like they haven’t eaten in a couple of weeks, haven’t shaved in 2 months, look high, and stink of body odor. Some backpackers honestly look like they are homeless . . . I’m just saying.
Seriously, get your shit together, you look like a mess. How hard is it to have a fucking shower? You don’t do anything all day anyway because you are too hungover to leave the hostel.
I know you need to empty your entire big ass hiking bag all over the floor because you need to find something, and you are too naive to realise that a suitcase is more practical—but this doesn’t mean I should have to step over your stinky socks and scrunched up clothes. Put your shit away when you’re finished with it. Oh, and your clothes wouldn’t be scrunched up if they were in a suitcase. As you can tell, I really hate big ass hiking bags.
Dressing Like Hippies
The typical attire of a backpacker in Southeast Asia seems to be elephant pants, singlet of the local beer, dreadlocks, thongs, meaningless tattoos, and piercings. Why do you all need to dress the same?
Excessive Drinking
How do you get a backpackers attention? You say the words “pub crawl,” “happy hour,” or “free Wi-Fi”. Don’t get me wrong, drinking can be fun especially in new countries with new people. But there is more to travelling than getting smashed on alcohol and weed infused cookies—and then waking up hungover and laying in a hammock all day.
Vegan Backpackers
I already hate regular vegans enough as it is. It’s not uncommon for these entitled vegan backpackers to complain about a third world country not having the same vegan options they have back home. I’m sorry Sarah, but the world doesn’t revolve around you being vegan.
Imagine going to Japan and not eating sushi or Kobe beef because you are vegan. Instead, you search for hours until you find some hippie café which sells fucking beetroot burgers which cost $20.
They Are Egotistical
Backpackers tend to have huge egos. They love to brag about all the countries they have “done”. It’s like, well-done Tom, you have “done” Cambodia five times and still haven’t been to Angkor Wat because apparently, it’s too expensive.
These types of backpackers know all the tips and the hidden gems . . . like where you can get the cheapest beer. If you tell them about a tour you went on, they will tell you how you are stupid and wasted money, because that is what all the tourists do.
I don’t really hate backpackers, and I’m not saying all backpackers are like this. I’m just generalising and exaggerating a little. This is just my opinion on backpackers. I want to make this clear because, you know, it’s 2020 and everyone gets offended by everything.
Have I missed anything? Am I wrong? Are there any particular things backpackers do that annoy you? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
